Arches National Park and Moab Utah, Fall 2014

Window Arch

In the beginning stages of my divorce in the fall of 2014 I took my crumb suckers (my nick name for my kids who were 3 and 6 at the time) on a weekend trip here. I was a little depressed and felt the need to run away for a few days to get my mind straight. But as we all know you can never run from your problems. They will follow you wherever you go. But at least I gave it “the old college try” to go have some R+R while the lawyers were duking it out over who got what and when. I now think divorces are akin to a game of chess, and whoever sets their pieces up the best is the one who wins the game……. Usually it’s the two attorneys with billable hours! I find a lot of irony and humor in this fact, and I’m sure anyone else who has been thru this scenario does also!

We loaded up in “the turd” (my s*** brown VW Van that I sold to buy Annie ) on a Thursday afternoon and headed out to ” The Peoples Republic of Moab,” about a three hour drive from where I was living at the time.

Moab is known as the mountain bike capital of the world, but the climbing, jeeping, motocross riding and rafting are all world class here also. I still go there at least 2 or 3 times a year to do the things I love to do. Moab is a funky little town with a wide mix of mormons, hippies, artists, cowboys, miners, meth heads and outdoor enthusiasts who all somehow peacefully co-exist. It is the progressive, free thinking bastion of the predominately conservative Utah. The Mormons are so right wing it scares the f*** out of me, and don’t even think of bringing any of Colorado’s finest bud there. It may be legal in Colorado but NOT in Utah! The cops are borderline fascists and they target “green and whites” (Colorado license plates.) The liquor stores are run by the state, and you need to get “sponsored” to drink at the bar. But getting a “sponsorship” is a running joke because any one getting sauced at the bar will do it! Just tip your glass after you buy them a drink!

I also vividly remember on a different trip taking a Mormon run night time boat tour on the river. That was before kids. They lit up the cliffs with huge spot lights on trucks and that was pretty cool, but the tour guide talked about god and Mormonism THE WHOLE F****NG TRIP! I almost jumped off the boat! If you’re into that kind of stuff it would be cool, but when people ask me if I’m religious I tell them “I’m a born again heathen!” I hate it when people try to shove their religion down your throat! But I guess to each his own, and everyone has to believe in SOMETHING……And at that time all I really believed in was having another cocktail!

The food in Moab is mostly geared towards the “touron” (tourists.) Burgers and fries are the staple at most of the s*itty tourist traps, but if you’re ever there go visit my friend Jay at Pasta Jay’s. I used to hang out with him when I was going to college in Boulder, Colorado. The food is da bomb! And the Peace Tree Cafe that’s owned by this old hippie plumber and his wife has freakin’ awesome food! I puffed with him a couple times at the other Peace Tree Cafe in Monticello, Utah. He’s a cool f***er…….

Arches National Park is just a short drive north of Moab and if you ever have a chance to see it I highly recommend it! It is BREATHTAKINGLY beautiful! The forms, colors and textures are unlike any others in the world. Stone arches ( over 2000 in the park,) fins and spires, some with balanced rocks will amaze you…. But what is even more inspiring is watching a sunset in this red rock disneyland.

My curmudgeons and I spent a day here on this trip. They were little and couldn’t hike THAT far so we did the Windows section loop and saw a few of the arches. It’s a pretty easy hike and great for little kids. Nevertheless, it was AWESOME and I’m so glad I can relish the memory for the rest of my days. I only wish I had these kinds of memories with my dad!

My son torturing his sister.

Later in the afternoon we headed over to the Wolfe Ranch near Delicate Arch. The Wolfe’s were the original homesteaders and settled there in 1888 after the Civil War. They raised cattle and from the looks of it they lived a pretty primitive life. But at least it had great views!

The next day we tripped around Moab a little. After breakfast at “The Pancake House” ( everyone knows kids LOVE pancakes!) we headed down on The Colorado River to see a pretty awesome petroglyph panel and some dinosaur tracks!

petroglyphs on the Colorado River near Moab

If Utah wasn’t so right wing conservative I would move there. But it is, so I won’t. Nevertheless it’s a great place to visit!


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