Going Home

I have not written in a while, almost two months……. Life happens, and I’ve learned that when you don’t have anything good to say sometimes it’s just best to remain silent. But I’m back. Although I’ve been good, I haven’t been having fun……And since my motto is ” Be good. Have fun” I chose not to write about the bad times. Only the good. You gotta have hope right? And now I have hope again! I went “home” over Christmas. Sometimes family and good friends are what it takes to feel human again.

I grew up in a very special place. A small island. Live Oaks and Spanish moss. Sunrises on deserted beaches. Oysters, Georgia shrimp, grits, fried green tomatoes , collard greens and fish frys. The old south still lives on where I grew up, and I miss it……At almost 50 I feel the need for nostalgia. A need for connections. A need to feel like I belong.

What a special place. And, what a special time to grow up in that special place.

I recently went home over the holidays. I needed to re-connect with my roots. I needed home. The familiar faces and nostalgia. Good friends who “know” you like everyone else does not. Who don’t judge you. Only love you for who you are.

The light house. Iconic St. Simons Island. Next time you are in the frozen shrimp at the grocery store look for “Sea Pak Shrimp.” Look at the logo. This is it!

I am so fortunate to have these people in my life. People I have known my whole life and even though I have been gone for almost 30 years it still feels like I never left……..Unfortunately the quaint little island I grew up on has now been over developed. Crowds, congestion and bumper to bumper traffic is now a common occurrence. The quaintness is still there, with a bunch of golf carts on the roads to remind you of how ostentatious it has become.

But the Island is still “home,” and I miss home a lot!

My good friend J Cons shack at the beach. This is where I crashed for the majority of my stay. Surrounded by million dollar homes! There is still a little old school charm left.

I’m being drawn to “home” again. After being in Colorado for 28 years the mountains are no longer calling me. I dread the snow and the cold every morning when I’m rolling out my tools for the day…….At 29 it was cool. Good pay, outdoors, with a tan and muscles. At 49 it is not so cool anymore! Now it just hurts after a long day and staying warm and positive is a challenge! A lot of people would say I’m fortunate to live in a place with such awe inspiring beauty…….. Maybe I just don’t see much beauty anymore?

Southern Soul BBQ. Owned by two of my childhood friends. Voted the “Best BBQ in the South” by Southern Living Magazine.

So here I am. Faced with the most difficult decision of my life. Do I go home to where I feel like I’m loved? Leave my children in Colorado with their mother and let them grow old enough to formulate their own decisions and opinions? Or do I stay here in Colorado, continue fighting with their mother to be a part of their lives? I’ve written about it in an earlier post. Read it if you want the history…….It’s titled ” The reason for living are these two.”

I know I was never the perfect husband. And she definitely was not the perfect wife. My sobriety, accountability and efforts mean nothing when lawyers who twist facts like you would never believe are involved. My children’s legacy is GONE. Spent fighting. When a simple conversation maybe could have solved it all…….

This is truly a quandary for me. Do I stay, fight, and slowly die here? Or do I leave, live, possibly find happiness and wait? Wait until they are 18 and can see the truth…….That their father loves them and fought tooth and nail to be a part of their lives. But was defeated at every turn. I’m tired off getting my ass kicked…….

The waves on St. Simons get OK on rare occasions!
One of my best friends Marc in the Elvis glasses. Christmas Day 2019 surf session.
Driftwood Beach. A popular movie set location now. Back in the day it was a go to spot for myself when I was trying to get laid!
The ball field at Mallory Park. SO MANY FOND MEMORIES! I remember playing ball here with all my childhood friends. I vividly remember the line drive I hit into my coach Mr. Rogers nuts! I’m sure he remembers it also!

I’m being drained. Lawyers, judges, therapists, and a system that is truly broken. Will I be running to something or from something? I have NO F***ING CLUE!

I just recently paid off my alimony payments in full. 57 months worth! YAY! Finally done! Or so I thought….. But I guess there is a law here that your ex can file a motion to extend it. Guess what happened……. Back to court……..My hearing is coming up soon. Financial records and forensic audits…….. F**K ME! AND F**K YOU!

She has been living with a man for 4 years now, bought a house together, co habitate like husband and wife. But they won’t get married. Guess why? Because they would lose that check every month. Lame in my humble opinion…….

This place has been here longer than I’ve been alive! Damn good BBQ and an AWESOME slaw dog!
Sunset at the pier

When you don’t know what to do sometimes you should not do anything until the answer presents itself…….I’m waiting for a sign……..Hopefully it will come soon……


4 thoughts on “Going Home

  1. To my first son, Christopher Peter, what ever you decide, I have your back. Dad


  2. Dude first of all wtf u came home and I didn’t see you ? I’m whipping you and Connie-mac ass!! Plane trip doesn’t cost a lot !! Do what u need to do cause if your not happy your no good to yourr re kid or yourself!! Sounds like pack it up sell it off and come home take your whipping from me then find joy again !! Our island isn’t the same but it is if u know what I mean!! Come home find your joy then maybe you’ll figure out what it is u need ! Maybe go back later maybe never leave again but one thing I do know u got us here who know u like a book and love you even if u yell COPS during the middle of a keg party on the beach while we are ummmm…. blue tattoo!!! Think on it bro!!! Stay cool not cold!!!


  3. Hang in there, man! I still miss the Island on a regular basis. Rarely get back home anymore. Seems like weddings and funerals are about it and there seems to be a lot more funerals these days. Really enjoyed the honesty of your writing and especially enjoyed the photos. Feeling a little inspired for a road trip! Hopefully we cross paths again soon. Take care, bro!


    1. Thanks bro, I’ll be home soon! Hit me up. You know all the folks who have my number!


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