Even tho I can’t be with them, this is the reason I created this site.
I never wanted kids……but now that I have these two beautiful, pure and innocent gifts I would never want it any other way……They give me a reason to get up every morning, to not give up and try my best to give a good account of my self.
It hasn’t been an easy road. Lawyers, judges, a vindictive ex wife who just won’t “let it go.”…. I’m sure many of you can relate. So now, 5 years after the final orders in the divorce it hasn’t gotten ANY better……a couple of college educations in lawyers fees and endless months of pain and anguish I’m no better off than I was then….sad but true…..
The only thing good that came out of all this is that it made me embark on the journey I am on. I WAS A MISERABLE BASTARD for about the last 6 years of my marriage. I got married because I thought it “was the right thing to do.” Now I know different…….
Once the courts are involved the father is usually fu**ed…… Mothers have ALL the power in this day and age in the civil/ family law courts in my “beloved state of Colorado.” Meth addicts have more access to their children then I do.
My ex wife had an affair, but it doesn’t matter here. You can suck every cock in a 1000 mile radius and it doesn’t matter…… Colorado is a “no fault state……” meaning adultery means NOTHING! But, if you have a couple of cocktails you are a drunk. No matter how long you have been sober since your last drink. I drank because I was in a VERY unhappy marriage. I drank to escape. I drank because I hated my life. A good friend of mine who went through a similar story put it in perspective. ” Once you are branded a piece of s*** by the courts it is really hard to break that stigma.” He is right. A good attorney can brand you and twist the facts like you would never believe………. Lawyers are like monkeys who throw feces at each other. Whoever gets the most feces to stick on their opponent wins. It’s all about billable hours and the almighty dollar, with no thought whatsoever to the wreckage they create. Our legal system is BROKEN! Children need both parents, and all I want is to be a dad. The best dad ever. But you can’t always get what you want.
I may have to walk away. Wait until my children are older and can formulate their own opinions and make their own choices without others being able to influence and taint their minds. This is something that has been weighing heavily on me.
But if this is what I am forced to do, then I will continue to be the type of man that my children will WANT to seek out. Only time will tell and I know this might be a giant leap of faith. But if you walk the walk and keep your own side of the street clean then eventually all of your past faults will become irrelevant……… Food for thought…….