Redneck Wedding, July 4th 2019

They came in on horseback

I’ve written abut my friend Jarred and his family before , and I think he has a lot of “fans” here on my blog. He is a true character. And so are his clan…….That’s why I wanted to share this special day.

My very first redneck wedding! I’m super stoked!

I recently attended a wedding for his daughter Shimiah and her fiancé Dakota (I’m not sure if I got the spelling right. If not sorry bro……) at the ranch right across the New Mexico border from Colorado. It was a beautiful day spent with good folk and I feel fortunate to have been able to share it with them. I think of them as my family and know they will always have my back as I will theirs. I am truly blessed to have such great, genuine friends.

The father of the bride. As you can see he dressed up for the occasion. He wouldn’t want it any other way! Notice the boutaineer in his lapel!

I know I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again…….I AM NOT A REDNECK. I stick out like a big purple penis at this kind of s***……. But they accept me for who I am. Flip flops and all. This is the definition of acceptance, and I love these generous, accepting people.

The lawnmower mechanic and friends.

Rednecks like to party, and I’m glad they do because I always get invited. You see, I am the fun, sober guy! And also a GREAT designated driver because I don’t drink anymore! It just doesn’t do it for me like it used too. But more about that later, and I’ll write about my sobriety in another post…….

Today was the day that the future Mr. and Mrs. Goodman were to tie the knot. Independence Day, quite fitting seeing that Dakota serves in the US Army as a helicopter mechanic but Jarred refers to him as a “lawnmower mechanic.” Kind of a standing joke! The private picnic area on the ranch is on the side of the river, and is probably one of the most peaceful, beautiful spots on the planet. I come here often in Annie just to chill and let life flow by.

Jarred’s daughter Shimiah is pregnant with their child and has another boy named Conner who is hell on wheels! I wish them the best, but I’m not one to talk about successful marriages since I’ve tried and failed not once but TWICE!

Says it all…….

Well, in true redneck fashion everyone was seated in camp chairs ( I f***ing love it!) And the patriotic cake was on the table……. I guess it was time for these two young uns’ to get hitched!

The beautiful bride rode in on horseback, the vows were said and they kissed……game over in my mind. But that was just the beginning because as we all know, drama never starts until the alcohol gets flowing. And me being “the sober guy” can smell a s*** show from a mile away!

Being the fart smeller (s*** show, smart fellow, get it?) I am I ducked out before it got really crazy and I only heard about it the next day, but I know it involved drunk people, drama, explosives and fireworks! Probably all in that order…….

Best of luck Mr. and Mrs. Goodman! You’re probably going to need it!

P.S. The explosives (tannerite…..google it!) and fireworks were my contribution to the festivities. The drama and drunkeness were not!

Now thats the most patriotic wedding cake ever! Trump would be proud! Note the plethora of Coors on the table!
Groomsmen……. I think Jarred has a chew in also!

It was a great day! Thanks guys for including me in your black panther party!

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